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Panama

Start at the beginning, Part One.

It took about ten seconds once the plane landed in Panama for me to realize I wanted to take the next plane back to the States. No one spoke English, or at least they pretended not to, and the airport was not very passenger friendly. I wandered around helpless until I saw a long line of people and decided to join them, in hopes that it would lead me out of the terminal. After what seemed like hours, but was probably only 30 minutes, I was through the line and on my way out of the airport. Dh and a friend (the one who was driving us to our house) were waiting for me near the exit.

As soon as I stepped outside I was met with the most intense humidity I had ever felt in my life. Everyone was covered with a sheen of sweat and soon I was too. I got in the car which of course had no air conditioning and prepared for the 2.5 hour drive to the other side of the country. As we drove through Panama City, I talked nonstop about how much I already didn’t like it and made sure to point out every flaw and problem. Then we entered the “country.” My constant complaining was silenced by the extreme poverty that surrounded me. We passed neighborhoods in which every house was made from cardboard boxes. Garbage piled ten feet high lined the streets and the medians. Dogs ran wild and children did too.

My shock turned to terror as we then began passing checkpoints with Panamanian armed guards, and it became obvious there was a good way and a bad way to make it through the roadblocks. The good way involved pretending to speak no Spanish (even though dh is fluent) and the exchange of some money. The bad way… well I did not want to find out.

At some point we reached the Panama Canal. I thought this would be the highlight of the drive until I realized that if you arrived at the canal at the wrong time you could sit in your car for up to two hours while ships passed through the locks. I probably don’t have to tell you that we arrived at the wrong time. By the time we started moving again I was a complete sweaty, scared mess that wanted to close my eyes, tap my heels together 3 times and end up back in Kansas.

Finally we reached the base, I was relieved since now I would be living under the protection of the US Army, but of course I was wrong again. The base was guarded by the Panamanians and was open to everyone. As we entered the gate the driver started telling me stories about all the recent break-ins that had occurred on the base. I decided right then I was never leaving the house without dh. My only hope was that we didn’t own anything worth stealing anyway.

As we drove through the windy roads of the base I started noticing how beautiful and green everything looked. I guess 100% humidity is great for the environment. The flowers were the brightest colors, the trees a deep green, it started to resemble paradise and I forgot for a moment that I was melting in the back seat.  Then out of nowhere I was jolted out of my fleeting fantasy. Large cinder block buildings appeared around the corner. They were old, but more importantly bullet holes marred every building. Apparently this base was occupied by the Panamanians when we invaded a few years earlier. The ransacked barracks still stood vacant along the road. I couldn’t help but wonder what happened to those who had lived in those barracks, did they live, did they die, did they leave behind a family?

Finally we pulled up to the house. It was a yellowish color stilt house with a tile roof. I remembered thinking it was pretty, sort of… then I noticed that under the house there was a carport that also housed the washer and dryer. As I walked by I remember thinking that since I had already decided I would never leave the house alone, dh better get use to doing the laundry. The washer and dryer were covered with a film of dead bugs and other items I didn’t want to touch. I hurried up the flight of stairs ready to see my new home and lock myself inside it for the next two years.

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by admin -

Sick Computer

My computer is sick. Actually, it has been sick for about six months, but I do everything on my computer. From blogging to homeschooling to banking my computer is a huge part of my life. But, I need it to work correctly so I am sending it off for repairs. This means I will be without my little friend for about a week. I still plan on blogging, but probably not as frequently as normal. I have some old posts that I wrote when no one read the blog that I plan to run again as well as a few great giveaways. So check back to win some great prizes. Right now I am giving away a Kajeet cell phone. You can enter to win the phone here. I also plan to post another installment of Our Story before the weekend. Thanks for hanging in there and I hope to be back on track next week.

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Blogging away at Blissdom.

by admin -

The Summer in Which I Became Frugal and Long-Haired Hippie ate Meat

Start at the beginning, Part 1.

Twenty-four days after I married long-haired hippie and moved out, I moved back in. Since I didn’t have a bedroom anymore I ended up moving into the living room, and dh came along too. This arrangement was less than ideal since the living room was the first room you saw when you entered my parent’s home. My mom hung up a sheet for privacy and we we moved all our earthly possessions into our new “home.”

This new living arrangement probably encouraged my dh to get moving on the whole get back in the Navy thing. Less than three weeks after moving in with my parents long-haired hippie became a short-haired petty officer. He was temporarily assigned duty in Jacksonville, FL while he awaited permanent orders. He stayed in Jacksonville during the week and drove home to Orlando on the weekends.

I spent the rest of the summer moving around Florida. For a few weeks I lived in dh’s grandparent’s empty condo in Tampa. This was nice except I had nothing to do during the week, no car, and no friends. This was also when I figured out dh wasn’t too good with money.

One thing dh neglected to tell me before we got married, although I don’t fault him for this- there wasn’t time,  is that he had accumulated a large amount of debt during his single years. We decided not to declare bankruptcy and to try and pay it off. This meant that most of his tiny military paycheck went to debt payments. I remember one Sunday night in Tampa, before he was returning to Jacksonville we counted out our money for the week. We had $7.62. Fortunately the car had a full tank of gas, but we didn’t have much food in the condo. I quickly learned about a grocery budget and purchased a few boxes of tuna helper and a few cans of tuna fish to last through the week. I felt bad dh’s first meal as a meat eater was tuna helper, but times were tough.

There was another time when dh took me to his favorite restaurant in Miami. Things were wonderful until it was time to pay the bill. It was only then that dh realized he left every penny we had under a mattress three hours away. I thought I would be washing dishes in Little Havana for the next week, but then remembered I had $30 in an old bank account. I pulled all of it out of the ATM in order to pay the bill and we quickly drove three hours in the other direction to retrieve our life savings.

I was very excited about dh’s rejoining the military (yes, I was naive). He told me about all the great places we could live and all the opportunities available for military spouses. I was shocked when he received orders to Panama, because to me that did not qualify as a great place to live. I was absolutely not prepared to move out of the country. In fact, dh had told me that there was no way we would receive orders to Panama because they were closing the base. He was wrong. I told him I wasn’t going to move to some third world country and he could go without me.  Dh begged me to go and told me there would be many opportunities for me to finish my degree, get a job, and see the rain forest. Finally, I agreed to go.

Dh needed to leave for Panama in a few short weeks and we quickly found out I could not go with him until he was assigned a house, which could be a month or longer. We heard through the grapevine that there were flights from Panama to Key West on a regular basis. Dh had a Navy buddy who lived in Key West so I decided to move in with him and dh could fly to the Keys on the weekend. We loaded up a small moving van and drove all night from Tampa to Key West. At some point during the summer we had also acquired two cats, and at a later point in the summer I discovered I am not a cat person. I remember trying desperately to stay awake during the all night drive. Fortunately I had two screeching cats in the back seat of the car to keep me awake.

We arrived in Key West and I settled in to my 4th home that summer. It didn’t take long for me to realize that dh’s Navy buddy lived like a pig and I didn’t want to live there. I was afraid to leave our stuff and the cats with the guy so I stayed. Meanwhile dh flew off to Panama and found out there were no such flights to Key West. I needed no more incentive to get the heck out of Key West so I called the movers, had our stuff packed, put on a boat to Panama and moved back into my parent’s house.

I spent the rest of the summer waiting for dh to be assigned a house in Panama. Finally in September he was assigned a house and I would be leaving for my tropical paradise in less than a week, or so I thought.

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The next installment has been published… Panama.

Make sure you don’t miss a single installment of Our Story, subscribe to The Happy Housewife.

by admin -

Moving Out, Moving In, Moving Out

Start at the beginning… Part 1

Over the next several days I stopped by my parents’ house to pick up my things and take them to my new home. I avoided going over when I knew my dad was going to be home because I just couldn’t take how disappointed he was in me. (Although I deserved every bit of it)

There were a few times dh and I went over together and everyone was home. My dad would sit on the couch, watch television and pretend no one else was in the room. It was incredibly uncomfortable.

As for me, I was settling into my role as The unHappy Housewife. I didn’t know how to cook when I got married, and dh was a vegetarian. I quickly learned how to make a two meals, beans and cornbread – can of beans, box of cornbread mix and frozen pizza – unwrap, bake and serve.

Meanwhile, crazy blind guy was driving me crazy. You see, crazy blind guy was legally blind as defined by the social security administration which meant he could actually see up close, but could not see well enough to drive. He also belonged to some weird sect at our college that didn’t believe in using chemicals or wearing shoes. This meant that crazy blind guy always smelled disgusting and the apartment was filthy since he didn’t wear shoes and only rinsed his feet. I refused to clean up after this guy, so the apartment grew dirtier and dirtier.

One week night, my now always smiling brother had a baseball game. I convinced dh to come to the game even though we knew my family would be there. Dh knew nothing about baseball and I grew up in a family that thought nachos were their own food group. We arrived at the game and took a spot on the bleachers close to my family.

As the game went on somehow my dad and dh ended up sitting next to each other. Then something amazing happened, I looked over and my dad was actually speaking to dh! God had softened my dad’s heart towards dh and he was actually laughing and joking as he sat next to him. Now, my dad is a guy who loves a good practical joke, and I think he knew he had some fresh bait, as his own children had stopped falling for his pranks years ago. Realizing very quickly that dh didn’t know the difference between a baseball and a basketball, my dad was feeding dh lines to yell at the ump. Dh, wanting to create peace in my family, shouted out whatever my dad told him to say. Every bad pitch and poor call was addressed in a loud voice by dh from the stands. My dad sat there chuckling as he feed dh line after line. As we said our goodbyes after the game I had a feeling things were starting to change.

My mother-in-law, who loves parties, insisted we have some sort of reception to celebrate our wedding. My parents, who were just starting to warm up to dh offered to host this reception since no one had any money to do anything different. The reception was attended by old friends and family. It wouldn’t have surprised me if there was some betting going around behind our backs regarding how long this so called marriage was going to last.

After the reception, we headed to Tampa for our “honeymoon.” It was wonderful getaway at none other than Busch Gardens and accompanying us was my husband’s best friend from the Navy. He had come down for the reception and dh wanted to spend time with him while he was in town. Can you say romantic? My honeymoon picture was a automated camera shot of the three of us on the first drop of the Kumba roller coaster.

Needless to say I was quickly getting fed up with a filthy apartment,  crazy roommate, a honeymoon for three, plus the fact that dh didn’t have a real job (he was currently employed as a daytime bartender making about $3 a day). I was working at a local restaurant almost full time paying the bills, while dh stayed at home and did…. well I don’t really know what he did, but I wasn’t happy.

Finally after we had been married about 3 weeks I laid down the law. I told him he better get a real job, get a haircut, and oh by the way, I was moving out. I called my parents and either told or asked them, I can’t remember, that I was moving back in. There was only one slight problem, my dad had turned my bedroom into an office. I didn’t really care, I was willing to sleep on the couch to get away from the mess I had created.

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by admin -

Second Hand Shopping Just Got Better

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If you are like me your children’s items enter your home via thrift stores, yard sales, and hand-me-downs. While I love saving money, their safety is my number one concern. Items are not a good deal if they could potentially harm your child. I remember years ago we received a pack-n-play from a friend. I found out after using it for several months that it had been recalled. We stopped using it and purchased a different one.

Now it is easy to find out if those second hand items are safe. Parents.com has a feature that allows you to check the recall status of any baby item or toy. You enter the name, type of product, and time frame (if you know it) and it searches for recall information.

If the item has been recalled the site provides detailed information as well as weblinks if available. This site is free and doesn’t require you to register, which of course means saving time!

You can access the site by clicking on this link. Their information is compiled from the Consumer Product Safety Commission, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, and other sources.  For more information concerning recalls, visit www.cpsc.gov or, for car seats, www.safercar.gov.

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by admin -

Shock and Awe

Start at the beginning… Part 1

My family greeted me with smiles and hugs. Everyone was anxious to hear how my trip to Pennsylvania had been. We all gathered in the family room and my family listened as I recounted my trip. Long-haired hippie sat next to me in silence on the love seat (ironic isn’t it?). The small talk went on for about 45 minutes, which was probably the longest 45 minutes of my life. I couldn’t quite bring myself to tell my family what I had done.

Finally I said something like, “Well, I got married.” Then I passed out. Okay, kidding, I didn’t pass out, but I wish I would have in order to miss what happened next.

My father, very calmly said, “To someone we know?”

Long haired-hippie raised his hand and said, “Me.”

I think they would have been happier had I married Osama Bin Laden… my sister immediately started crying. My dad settled into his seat in preparation for what was to come and I can’t remember exactly what my mother said, but I am sure it was nice and encouraging… because that is just the kind of person she is.

My brother sat in his seat smiling…..

Honestly the rest of the night is a blur, and for that I am thankful. My dad never raised his voice, although I am sure he wanted to kill one of us… probably long-haired hippie, but who knows. After a few minutes my dad looked long-haired hippie straight in the eye and said,

“Did you know she listens to Rush Limbaugh?”

And of course he didn’t know that I listened to Rush, because, well we didn’t know each other. Long-haired hippie looked at me with surprise. We had been married for about 3 hours and our first argument was going to be over Rush, this was starting so well.

My dad then spent what seemed like an eternity telling us why we couldn’t get married. The sad part was I agreed with 95% of what he was saying, but because I hate to be wrong, I argued against most of his points.

Finally my mom looked at my dad and said something about him needing to stop talking because what was done was done and nothing he said could change anything. Then she got up from her seat, walked towards long-haired hippie and said,

“Welcome to the family!”

And with that she walked over and gave dh (long-haired hippie) a big hug.

It was around this time I realized I wasn’t going to be sleeping at parent’s house that night, even though I really wanted to. I couldn’t imagine going back to the dirty apartment occupied by a crazy blind man with someone I didn’t really know. Why this thought didn’t occur to me 12 hours earlier I am not sure, but nonetheless my dad made it clear that I had created this mess and I was going to live with it. I went to my old room, packed a few things and left the house, wondering if I would ever be welcome there again.

Part 6 – Moving Out, Moving In, and Moving Out

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by admin -

Not Again!

The boys have lice, again. I am really hoping the girls do not get it. Last time the girls got it and the boys didn’t get it… I buzzed the boys hair as soon as we found a bug, so hopefully this will not last as long as last time.

Halfway through the haircut, he wanted to try out a mohawk, so he had one for about 5 minutes.

The girls are petrified they will get lice again, they are taking precautions…

I broke out the oreos and the Wii in hopes to comfort all the sadness at our house right now. We were supposed to go out of town this weekend, but we had to cancel.

My nephews had lice last month and my brother made this video of the bugs up close. It is gross so only watch if bugs don’t creep you out.

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by admin -

I Love Comments!

One of the best parts of writing Our Story is the fabulous comments I have received from readers. Over at 5 Minutes for Mom they have a fun carnival called Say it Forward that encourages bloggers to give a little shout out to their loyal commenters.

Lawanda has been a reader and loyal commenter forever! I sometimes get a little depressed if three or four posts go by and I don’t see a comment from her. She loves to blog about her family and she loves babies! I love stopping by her site because I can always tell how much she adores her 4 girls and her hubby. I don’t comment back often enough, but you know I appreciate you Lawanda!

Sherry has also been a longtime reader of this site and she is such an awesome commenter. Not only does she comment on my site, when I am visiting other blogs I almost always see a comment from Sherry! I almost met her in person in December, but it didn’t work out. Hopefully we can cross paths again soon! Sherry is a phenomenal cook and she shares some amazing recipes on her site.

Thanks ladies for making my day with your comments!

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by admin -

Our Story ~ Part Four or How to Have a Frugal Wedding

Before reading make sure you read

Our Story

Why I Should Have High Tailed it Out of the Apartment Complex

Why You Should Never Let Boys with Long Hair Take Your Daughters to the Airport

I had just agreed to get married… to someone I hardly knew.

As I left the plane long-haired hippie was not there to pick me up. Where was he, was this all a joke, did he get cold feet, or was this my golden opportunity to come to my senses, take a bus home and go back to life as I knew it.

Before I had time to come to any conclusions long-haired hippie arrived, breathless and carrying a bouquet of flowers. Apparently he took a wrong turn driving to the airport and was delayed. The rest of the afternoon is a blur although I remember driving to the same place I had recently paid a speeding ticket, signing some papers and then reciting something about all my earthly possessions and till death do us part. Honestly, death didn’t seem too far off because soon after I was married (less than two hours after getting off the plane) I came to the realization that….

MY PARENTS WERE GOING TO KILL ME!

Did I forget to mention that my parents had no idea that their first born was secretly plotting to get married to someone she barely knew and who they didn’t know at all? And did I forget to mention that long-haired hippie was an atheist and my parents were former missionaries?

I had only been married about 3 seconds when all of this became very clear. What was I thinking, did I seriously just marry this guy? Am I going to have to move in with blind crazy guy who never brushed his hair? Is long-haired hippie really going to keep his promise of going back into the Navy? Did I just throw away my college plans?

I realized that I had to tell my parents as soon as possible because every second that passed I felt sicker and sicker about the mess I had just created. We drove to my parents’ house, and to illustrate how this is probably the absolute worst moment in my life, even as I type this 16 years later I still feel sick about it! When we arrived, my parents were not home. My little brother was though, so I decided I could tell him and practice the death march.

When I told my brother (who was 17 at the time) a slow grin came over his face. I am not sure, but he was probably thinking that no matter how much trouble he ever got in for the rest of his life, it would be nothing compared to what his big sis had just done. I had just given him a get out of jail free card for the rest of his life!

Telling my brother really did nothing to calm my completely stressed out self, so we ended up going to dinner with long-haired hippie’s family. I spent the entire meal trying to figure out a way to tell my parents that I had just gotten married in a way that wouldn’t upset them. Yes, I was insane at this point. As the meal ended I knew the time had come to meet my fate and go back home (well, I guess it was my old home) and drop the bomb.

Coming soon….  Our Story ~ Part Five or Shock and Awe

by admin -

Our Story ~ Part Three Or Why You Should Never Let Boys with Long Hair Take Your Daughters to the Airport

Do not read until you have read Part 1 and Part 2….

“Will You Marry Me?”

Are you shocked, because I was… after long-haired hippie spoke those words I rambled on and on about why he would not want to marry me. I mean here is the person who I had really only known for about six weeks asking me to marry him. Oh, and did I mention that the whole reason I was at the airport was to fly to see someone else!!! I can’t remember my exact words, but the words “high maintenance” were spoken many times.

I am not sure how much time passed before they started boarding the plane, but it seemed like forever. Time tends to slow down when someone you hardly know asks you to marry them in an airport. When it was time to board I said good-bye hurried to the gate. I then had two hours to contemplate what in the world had just happened. Did long-haired hippie really just ask me to marry him? Was he serious? Why in the world would he want to marry me?

The plane ride is a blur, except that it was the most turbulent flight I have ever been on. People were praying and crying and I think most people thought the plane would crash. I kept thinking that I was going to be the person that should have gotten off the plane, but didn’t. I mean I did have a good excuse to not board… did I miss my chance to escape death in a plane crash because I didn’t say yes to a marriage proposal from a someone I hardly knew?

Obviously the plane did not crash, because I am writing this 16 years later, but the flight did make me start to question the entire situation. When I landed and saw Pennsylvania boy he made the gigantic mistake of not commenting on the outfit I had worked so hard to pick out… I realize this sounds really petty and shallow, but I was 20… forgive me. PA boy then made the second gigantic mistake of telling me he had a great surprise for me… we were going on a camp out with all of his buddies.

I realize I speak highly of camping on this site, but 16 years ago camping was the last thing in the world I ever wanted to do. I didn’t like dirt, bugs, or not being able to take a shower every day, actually I still don’t like those things, but I have gained tolerance since God gave me three boys. The camping was miserable, and I spent the entire time wondering what on earth was I doing there in PA with someone who thought it would be a good idea to take me, camping.

As soon as I had access to a phone (remember life without cellphones) I called long-haired hippie. The conversation went something like this…

“Remember that thing you asked me in the airport?”

“Yes”

“Did you mean it?”

“Yes”

“Okay, well I’m in.”

Then I hung up the phone. Can you believe how incredibly romantic I am? This conversation continued on a daily basis for the rest of the week that I was in Pennsylvania. Although the subsequent conversations went more like…

“Still good to go?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, talk to you tomorrow.”

Finally the day before I was flying home I came to my senses (okay not really, does anyone actually believe I was operating at any level of sanity here?) I called him and said something like…

“When do you want to do this?”

“I don’t know?”

“Okay, well how about you pick me up from the airport and we can do it then?”

I realize by typing this I have lost all of my readers who think I am an example and want to learn anything from me and my life. I also know that my kids read this blog… so kids, NEVER DO THIS EVER! IF SO YOU WILL BE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!!

Part 4 or How to Plan a Frugal Wedding has been published.